KEY 4: AN EXAMINED LIFE
Step Four: “[We] made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
Key Four: “Through my absolute surrender and conscious connection to the One Power and Presence, I courageously, deeply and gently search within myself for all thought patterns and behaviors that are out of alignment with love, integrity, harmony and order.”
The Work
Set your intention and say quietly to yourself or out loud:
“I claim spiritual dominion, courage and authority as I go deeper than ever before. I examine my life, thought patterns and behaviors in a vibration of safety and love. My freedom is more important than being stuck in self-righteous pain.”
“I am open and willing to discovering those parts of myself that no longer serve me. I release the stories that have held me in bondage, and am willing to see the truth that sets me free.”
Contemplate
Staying attached to my story keeps me stuck in my pain; releasing my story heals the pain.
My core beliefs (core wounds) of unworthiness, shame, abandonment, rejection, etc., will continuously mirror back to me as people and circumstances until they are healed.
Forgiveness does not condone inappropriate behavior, it transcends and protects me from inappropriate behavior because I am now operating from a higher spiritual level.
I don’t have to like the person I am forgiving, but forgiveness frees me from my attachment to the story surrounding that person—one way or the other.
Journal
Do you blame others for the circumstances in your life? If so, where has that gotten you?
Does telling your story over and over again about the painful situation make you feel empowered or disempowered?
Are you ready to release the old story and create a stronger, more loving and empowering one? If the answer is no—why not?
How far are you willing to go for your freedom?
Is your life based on making all or most of your decisions from a wounded and fearful state of mind? If so, what are the results of making decisions from that place? Do you get what you really want or do you get the limited version of what you think you deserve?
How do you feel about taking a fearless and moral inventory? Does it frighten or excite you?
What do you hope to experience in this process of becoming more aware of your resentments and moving towards forgiveness?
Affirmations
Key Four: “Through my absolute surrender and conscious connection to the One Power and Presence, I courageously, deeply and gently search within myself for all thought patterns and behaviors that are out of alignment with love, integrity, harmony and order.”
“Get ready, my soul—I’m diving in.”—Daniel Nahmod
Action Steps
Allow for at least 20 minutes per day for this process. For your most challenging issues, it may take up to an hour. Take the time, because this is one of the most important processes in your work.
First, you need to prepare for this process by having 3 sheets of—ideally—unlined paper. You will be placing the paper horizontally (long way across) so that you have enough room. If you happen to have “legal” size paper (11x14), that’s even better.
On the first sheet, create three columns labeled “Resentment,” “My Story” and “I Believe.” Make sure you leave more room for the My Story and I Believe columns.
On another sheet of paper, you’re going to create an additional two columns for “My Contribution” and “Core Wounds” sections, and on the third piece of paper, make a column for “Repeated Pattern.”
Fill in each section with the following information:
1. Resentment: The person, situation or institution that you have an ongoing grudge against.
Remember, resentment is the remembering, reliving and retelling of a painful event long after that event has passed.
Write the name of the person, circumstance or institution that you resent.
2. My Story: Your perception of what is happening in the present or has happened in the past regarding the person, circumstance or institution you have resentment against.
Yes, it is okay to list under resentments any anger you have towards yourself and God.
Write your story version of what happened (no more than two or three sentences).
3. I Believe: This section is where we look deeply into our belief system—what they are, where they came from and how they express as beliefs we have bought into. Remember, our ego—whose prime directive is survival—has generated beliefs to support our survival.
There are seven parts of our ego that can be affected when we experience resentment. They are:
• Pride—What I believe others think of me.
• Self-Esteem—What I believe about myself.
• Security—What I believe I need, but am not getting.
• Ambition—What I believe I want, but am not getting.
• Sexual Relationship—I believe this situation is a threat to my sexual relationships.
• Personal Relationships—I believe this situation is a threat to my personal relationships.
• Financial Security—I believe this situation is a threat to my financial security.
Write out your belief system using the seven points of belief outlined above.
4. My Contribution: The part you played in this particular situation, i.e., your own beliefs, actions and patterns of behavior that contributed to the disharmony of this relationship or situation.
• Selfish: Did you only think of your wants and needs, and not the wants and needs of the other person? Were you willing to only see things from your perspective, and not the other person’s perspective? Did you want someone to change to make you feel comfortable, secure and validated?
• Dishonest: Were you dishonest by omission or co-mission? Did you say yes when you meant no? Did you remain quiet when you had the opportunity to speak up? Did you delude yourself that this person was your source and security?
• Self-seeking: Did you bad-mouth this person to others in order to make him or her look like “the bad guy” and you look like the victim?
• Afraid: Were you afraid of not getting what you thought you needed? Afraid of what others thought of you? Afraid of being excluded? Afraid of being abandoned and rejected or alone? Afraid of financial insecurity?
Write out how you contributed to the situation.
5. Core Wounds: Core Wounds are dominant thoughts and beliefs we have about ourselves, and we usually blame others for being the cause of those wounds. The wounds usually fall under the following categories: Abandonment, rejection, shame, insecurity, unworthiness, powerlessness, betrayal, confusion, humiliation, abuse or—more generally—feeling unloved, unwanted, powerless, used, small, invisible, damaged, dirty, etc.
Write the core wound or wounds that caused you to respond in the way that you did.
6. Patterns: Patterns are repeated thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that show up time and time again in various situations in your life.
List three or four areas or relationships where these patterns are showing up in your life.
Do you see how this fits together? Each issue we have energy around should get this treatment. This purpose of the Key #4 process is to take those issues out of our head, away from our emotional chatter and place them on paper so we can see these beliefs, contributions, core wounds and life patterns more clearly.
This clarity is a vital first step to resolving these unresolved issues from the inside out.